New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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