I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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