Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
