shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
