they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
