I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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