I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
