How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
