after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
