mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
