everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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