dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
