I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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