I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
