It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My vagina just recognized that song.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
