He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
third nipple confirmed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
