You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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