The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
