i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
