I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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