No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize