is your mom at the bar?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
