Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize