She's JV to your varsity
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
