Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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