dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
