I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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