I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
