I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
