a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
