just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
