That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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