everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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