He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize