he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
