I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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