I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
