Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
