They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize