Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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