My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
