She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize