Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
