I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
