Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
