Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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