You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
