So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
