I'm passing your future prison.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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