where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
