We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
