Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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