I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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