Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
