I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
