I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
