I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize