Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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