Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
