sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
