Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My liver just had a heart attack.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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