1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
