so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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