i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
