Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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