If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
