The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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