We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
