they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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