She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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