Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
