i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
